| no, really. |
[Aug. 7th, 2011|01:58 am] |
Hi all,
It's been an ungodly amount of time since my last post. But I need to write about this one.
Life is happening to me right now. Every aspect of life imaginable. I don't think you can write this stuff, or make it into a movie, because no one would ever buy it. But here it is; this month, these four things are really happening: 1. I am getting married to my true love.
2. Two of my close friends are in critical condition from a serious car accident.
3. My grandfather is dying.
4. My cousin and his wife are about to give birth to child #2.
True love, ultimate tragedy, death, and birth happening at the same time. I want to be the saddest of my life, but am guilty when I feel remotely happy. I should be the happiest in my life, but am surrounded by too much pain. I want to mourn my grandfather's death, but am overjoyed that his pain will be gone, soon. I want to be excited by my newest cousin, but nearly forgot about her birth until before writing this post.
I've always been in a bit of a bubble, but now I discover what is reality. All of these things happen, to us all, at some point in our lives (although hopefully some can go their lives without horrible devastation, though I imagine with all the recent natural disasters+displays of terrorism, these numbers are dwindling). Since these are signs of life, I guess we must be grateful for them all. For example, if I didn't love my friends so deeply, my pain for their current condition would not be so deep. I'm grateful for that love, especially since I was able to give of myself what these two wonderful human beings deserve. (If only we had enough love to show every human being, every one of God's creations, who are equally deserving of all our love).
I am proud that I have loved. I hope my public display of love (marriage) and my cousin's child's birth (a parent's love to their children, one of the strongest forms of love) will inspire us to continue to love, even through misfortune, disparity, and death. |
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| paradise? |
[Apr. 29th, 2010|10:30 pm] |
So far my stay with the German Ambassador to Belgium has been interesting.
Good interesting: the house is phenomenal. A mansion which the Ambassador's wife (a beautiful woman, maybe 25 years the Ambassador's junior) describes as modest. The only thing modest about this place is that maybe the rooms on the 1st floor (not the main floor, the one above it...) are small...ish. The master bedroom in my condo, for instance, is larger than this guest room I'm staying in. As is my master bath. The kitchen is the size of a kitchen in a US middle class home. The "family room" is also the typical middle class size. However, the main floor is extravagant. The seating areas are quite large, and ridiculously clean. The kitchen on the main floor is a restaurant sized kitchen. With three refrigerators. I can put my stuff in a portion of one of these refrigerators. The dining area is equipped for large political meetings (and apparently there will be an important "lunch" going on here tomorrow. I think I will nap then). The chairs and table looked decked out enough to be the head table at a wedding reception. The garden......oh the garden. And the beautiful pond in the middle. No words to describe. Perhaps I should take some pictures...
And how about this impeccable internet connection?
Bad interesting: Since I've arrived, two annoyances. One, the driver at the airport was unrecognizable to me. I was told "look for the driver with the German flag". Instead the driver was carrying a sign with the German Embassy emblem (some sort of eagle) and words saying "Deutsche Botschaft" Does anyone know what that means? Would any of you know the German Embassy emblem offhand? Guess what, neither did I. Nor did I really know that I was staying with the German Ambassador. All I knew was I was staying with someone rather important, who's title had Dr. and Pr. in it. Needless to say, neither of us knew who we were and I ended up taking a cab to the house. Cost me 70 euros, too. Now I'm broke goddammit and my European trip only just began. Guess I better do well in this competition, eh?
Second annoyance came as a total surprise. When I woke up this morning, I thought my biggest adventure would be finding my way via public transportation to the Conservatoire this morning. That was easy. My real adventure would be after the electricity went off in the house. Moments later, the house alarm went off. Now, lest you think I'm a paranoid freak, the house maid told me that in recent years here, there was a burglary. I thought "holy shit, someone just broke in". I was frozen to death. I don't know how long I stayed put, but it was a while before I became conscious. I heard no one in the house, so assumed the alarm scared them away. I ran outside, found a payphone, and tried calling people. Then the house maid found me (she had already left, since her work that day was done), and told me that everything was ok. The alarm went off because the electricity went off. So, "false alarm". Needless to say, my very productive practice morning, turned into a highly unproductive practice evening.
More to follow. |
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| My day today |
[Mar. 2nd, 2010|10:30 pm] |
My boyfriend got a divorce.
I got into the Queen Elisabeth Competition.
If you asked me 2 months ago whether I thought either of these were a possibility, I'd probably laugh at you. Hard. So hard spit may have accidentally come out.
But there you have it. Life, folks. Enjoy the ride. |
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| last weekend! |
[Feb. 8th, 2010|10:23 pm] |
I wanted to capture this moment before the feeling left.
What a WONDERFUL weekend I just had! It's been a while that a weekend at home has given me this much joy, so I feel like writing about it.
First of all, I could EAT again for the first time in 11 days. Glorious, glorious soup, which branched out to dairy eventually :)
Friday: The dentist had no bad news for me, and I even got a full tube of toothpaste this time (not a trial size!). Had a very good teaching day. Watched Project Runway with my mom. And then had a dreamy 1am phone call with Robert :)
Saturday: heard my two little girls play WONDERFULLY in Sonatina Festival. One was selected as a winner! Then taught a lesson on Chopin Op. 48#1 to a wonderfully devoted student who will be giving her first full length recital in the summer! Then attended my cousin's viola recital. It's been such a long time since I've heard her perform, and her playing, and performance ability, has blossomed tremendously. She seems happy, and I'm so happy for her. Just wish she'd move back to Michigan! Then attended her afterglo where there were a ton of my family, and of course, more delicious food! Then my mother and I went shopping at Somerset, where purchases were bought from Max Studio and Anthropologie :) Then attended Yin's wine-tasting party, where I met a number of awesome people. I had so much fun I lost my voice!
Sunday: Pheonix Phest benefit, where Paul, Alicia, and I performed the 1st movement of Archduke. Again, met some very nice people, ate some yummy food, got to know Paul even better (and what a fun guy!) and perform one of my favorite pieces. All in all a beautiful time. Then went to the gym, as I have resolved to do most days now! Had a great workout, followed by a taxing, but hopefully successful lesson with a hard-working student. Then the superbowl party! It's always a good time at Alicia's but this one was just spectacular. Good people, food, games, and general merriment. Arie and I rooting for the Saints was a success. Meeting Maya for the first time was great. What a cool person! And playing jungle speed (and winning, yes, beating Becca, TWICE) with some of my favorite people. I even was able to hang out with a certain someone who caused much turmoil in my life in the past few months. Lost my voice again :)
Today I am living in happy aftershock of this exceptional weekend. Now I have so many things to look forward to: many, many more gym visits (and hopefully a more sculpted physique as a result!), putting the rest of Archduke together with my happy new trio, another visit to Rochester, including a one-on-one coffee with the lovely Nelita True, my visit to Chicago (seeing Dan, Wei-han, Andrea, and Robert!!), Robert's visit to Ann Arbor, and finally my first time in Albuquerque! What a GRAND couple of months ahead :) |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 1st, 2010|11:20 am] |
Day 8 here. Starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel...! I've made myself a couple promises. 1. I will be much more *aware* of the food I put in my system (going along with this is taking more time into planning for my grocery trips). 2. I will make a visit to the Blue Nile as soon as I can easily digest food again :) And this time will order the meat as well as veggie!!
As for non-cleanse-related things, thank you Daniel for turning me on to all the Earl Wild on youtube. I feel like I've discovered some of the greatest classical performances of all time! I'm currently obsessed with his "Le Jeux d'Eau a la Villa d'Este" by Liszt and the Gounod-Liszt Faust Waltz, a piece I thought I abhorred. His performance of it is beyond magical. and with such ease he plays it! I want to have "singing fingers" like he seems to. And I also respect his Rach2. Maybe not my all-time favorite, but there is something spectacular about the passagework. It's so crystalline, clear, sparkling rather than in your face finger busting as the piece is so often portrayed. Continuing my Wild obsession for the time being. |
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| this is fun |
[Jan. 29th, 2010|10:26 pm] |
so, I'm nearing the end of day 5. This is by far the best day. After my, ahem, morning, I've had the most amazing energy all day. I even taught like a master :) Day 1 was also fine. Days 2-4 were pretty rough, though. Very low energy, sore bum, etc. I'm assuming that from now on it will all be a breeze, ha. I'm even considering working out tomorrow. If I feel as good as I did today, I don't see why not. I weighed myself on my parent's scale today (I don't have one) and I only lost about 2 lbs, haha. That be why this is not a weigh-loss program for me!
My funny anecdote about cravings: My first craving came on day 1. I craved a really greasy cheeseburger. (sign of low health, ha). day 2. I craved simply a baked potato! Since then, my cravings have really gone in the right direction. I had a serious craving for chickpeas, and now I'm looking forward to incorporating them into more of my meals from now on! So yummy, and such a good source of protein for someone who doesn't consume enough protein! More hilarious is how now I crave any food I SEE. for instance, someone's LJ I was reading had their icon as a Saltine Cracker. My mouth salivated. For a FUCKING SALTINE CRACKER. I LOLed at myself.
So I'm over the hump. Halfway to go. And on Friday I can eat veggie soup! yummmm!!! |
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| crazy vegans |
[Jan. 25th, 2010|09:27 am] |
I love doing the cleanse. It makes me feel free and open an wonderful. It can be hard at times, but there's a wonderful forum on the website where people can connect and keep each other going strong. I love the forum for that reason.
I also love the form because there are a lot of crazy vegans writing crazy vegan shit all over it.
For example: "Wanna hear a really gross remedy for canker sores? Use your own ear wax and smear it on the cancer sore. Yep, I'm not kidding."
verbatim folks.
cheers, onto my first elimination ;) |
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| and we begin again |
[Jan. 25th, 2010|12:28 am] |
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Not at all ironic that poop tea tastes like poop. |
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| !! |
[Dec. 29th, 2009|08:22 pm] |
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Holy cow! I just discovered Vladimir Sofronitsky's Schumann Symphonic Etudes today. How did I go my whole life without ever hearing this recording? (you can find it on youtube). I'm really blown away by this guy's musicality, and GUTS. I don't care if there's a "bad sound" here or there. This is a real music making. Why isn't there more of this these days?????? |
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| anger |
[Nov. 24th, 2009|09:46 am] |
writing here, because not sure if saying this to them directly would be a good thing. However, also not sure if holding this in is a good thing. Usually my being non-confrontational ends up biting me in the ass and I have to exit the friendship in the end because of all the built up frustration.
Here's the deal:
You four were the reason I didn't practice my Bonn repertoire as much as I should have. Now, I'm not saying that it's your fault I'm not as prepared as I should be. That is something I should have been better at prioritizing. I'm saying that because of our violin recital that just had to be done in the fall, Alicia, and because of our trio competition that I worked my ass off on (even though you hardly worked for it Dave) and having to quick learn the Debussy in time for your recital, Samantha, I left very little to learning the Prokofiev 6th sonata, Bartok Improvisations, Rondo of G minor Cello Sonata, and commissioned work (and yes, all of these things were BRAND new to me). You all should have been at my recital last night. But not a single one of you were. I get it, Alicia, you had to take some personal time for you and your boyfriend to hang out in Chicago and see an opera. I get it, Eric, you had to work, yet again. I get it, Samantha, you had tons of homework to catch up on. I get it, Dave, you are cramming, also, for your master's recital (anyway that's why I assumed you didn't come, since you didn't give me any explanation whatsoever). Here's my anger: Alicia, couldn't you just forgo this vacation once for me, who needed you now more than ever? I mean, you have the rest of the week off anyway, since it's Thanksgiving. Couldn't you have delayed your vacation 2.5 days? Eric, you're almost done with your job. Couldn't you have at least asked for the one particular evening off? Samantha, homework? I guess you're not the friend I hoped you were. Dave, your recital is not until January. Take 2 hours off practicing for one night and support me.
Here's what I learned from you: Take a vacation any time you want. If you know a close friend has big event coming up, disregard this and schedule your vacation anyway. You need this vacation and that's all that matters.
When you work for a restaurant, they own your life. Even if you've already put in your two weeks notice. You don't mess with the schedule. You don't ask for certain time off. Even if you have in the past for a coaching or what not. Not for your friend. Friends are less important.
If you have shit to get done, do it. Don't delay it for the sake of friends. Your work is more important.
Thank you for these lessons. They will make my life a lot easier. Lonelier, maybe, but I'll certainly be thinking less about other people. This will free up at least 50% of my thoughts.
I've never felt more alone in my life. It's not that these people coming to my concert last night would have suddenly changed that feeling. But it would have helped. And when I was breaking down backstage during intermission, it would've been nice to have someone other than my mom come back to calm me down. I know, I know, my feelings of loneliness is my own problem, and none of you are responsible for it. But all four of you pretty much know all that I've gone through in the past month. And frankly, you should have been there.
I probably should not tell them these things. But I'm also worried that holding it in will torment me, and eventually ruin our friendships anyway. From the sounds of it, though, maybe they weren't the friendships I thought they were. So maybe it doesn't really matter if I keep these thoughts to myself.
this. fucking. sucks. |
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